Hey thanks for following and evidently you have some similar tastes lol...watsup?
Yeah man, small world. Tumblr is pretty good at eventually linking people back to other people with similar interests. I like your taste in blogging and I am a proud (albeit recent) follower. It’s nice to tumbl-meet you.
I have a LiveJournal account where I “blog” with long drawn out multi-thousand word mini-essays. I posted tonight an entry called “Falling” which recaps some of the feelings I have found myself struck with recently. I don’t want to post that blog here, because Tumblr isn’t (for me at least) about that kind of thing. Tumblr is more a way to let out tiny little laughs, frustrations, excitements, whatever. It’s quick… fun… meaningful occasionally. Anyway… I wanted to recap “Falling.”
It went something like this:
"I’m falling for (her). Hard. I’m scared, but I’m enjoying it while I can until I know what it will or will not be."
Why did it take me 1,600 words to type that out on LJ? lol.
What is it about a stranger that makes them so easy to talk to? For me at least, I can find myself venting my deepest darkest secret to someone I’ve never met before more easily than I can to my best friend. I guess maybe because I’m not afraid of being judged by this foreigner. They take in the…
So I have been thinking that I might have a crush on one of my new roommates for a while now. I have mentioned as much to some friends and I was even so bold as to tell her I “liked her” liked her the other day.
Now, it has been officially confirmed by a stranger. I was having lunch today with a business partner and I mentioned how I had just moved and why. My partner asked a few questions and I told a quick story and then, at the end of lunch, she asked me, “Are you interested in one of your roomies?”
I looked around the room awkwardly as though I were searching for a hidden camera and then shyly smiled back, “Yes.”
"The paralegal or the Phd.?"
"The Phd." I responded back sheepishly.
"Yea, I thought so."
"Really? How, why?"
"The way you talked about meeting her, you were excited to tell the story. Your eyes sparkled."
Uh-oh. I can deal with liking my roommate, but having a crush is bad. I need to deal with this problem ASAP.
"I just want you to know I like you." A boy said aloud, finally, to the girl sitting next to him on the couch.
"What do you mean?" She asked back in an attempt to dodge the statement with an aloofness that would have normally worked.
"I mean, I like you. Not just as a human being, but as a person whom I am interested in on a more than friendly level." His blunt honesty was never the kind that put anyone else at ease. It was quite effective, however, at breaking the tension of his own inner monologue.
"Why?" Was all she could think to ask him after a moment of self-deprecating thoughts.
"Why do I like you, or why am I telling you?" He smiled back, knowing full-well what she intended.
"Well, yeah, umm… Why…" she stuttered for a moment. "Why do you like me? I don’t get it. Whatever you think you know about me, you’re probably wrong."
"What do you think I know about you?" He questioned.
"I don’t know, but whatever you think you know about me, you’re probably wrong. I just don’t get why you like me."
"It’s not all that complicated really. For starters, I think you’re absolutely beautiful. Each feature you have seems "just right" to me. You also happen to possess a lot of the qualities and characteristics that I adore in other people. You are honest… perhaps not so honest as I am, but you are honest. You are kind. You are genuine. You are intelligent and adventurous. You have the most adorable way of breaking through my callous emotional shell with the most innocent of smiles. You and I can sit and have a conversation about anything. It could be about nothing, like what’s on TV right now, or about a novel you had read, or something deep and philosophical and the transitions are seamless. Beyond that, you’re so cute that it makes me smile and you don’t do any of it without being totally yourself. I don’t see anything about what you do that isn’t just you being you. And I like you."
"I just don’t get it." She smiled through her veil of discomfort at receiving compliments that she new to be honest and true though wholly unexpected.
"You don’t get how I like you, because of all those things?" He questioned with the utmost of confusion. He couldn’t fathom a way in which those clear words and his clear message could have been misconstrued.
"No, no, that’s not it. Actually everything you said made sense." She didn’t know what she was trying to argue with him.
"None of what I said had anything to do with what I do or don’t know about you. Did it? It’s all what I see in you. Perhaps I’m wrong, and if I am just tell me. It’s what I see in you, not what I know about you, that I like." He smiled at her as he gently ran the tips of his fingers across her soft shins and up to her knee.
"Yeah, I know. I just…"
"What?" He tired to coax her into comfortably speaking her thoughts.
"I just… I’m not sure how I feel."
"I’m not presuming to assume that you feel any which way. I just wanted to let you know that I like you, and that I want to kiss you."
"I can’t like you?"
"You can’t kiss me." Her response was adamant.
"Why is that?"
"Because I made up my mind that you can’t."
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I just did."
"Do you not want me to kiss you?" He asked with the knowledge that she did.
"Well, I do, but we can’t. It will just make things too complicated." She responded without making eye contact.
"Do you like me?" He decided it was time to ask of her.
"I don’t know… well… Obviously, yes, I do."
"And I like you." His smile was a satisfied one.
"But we can’t make it more complicated." She was steadfast on this point.
"I don’t want it to be complicated either. I just want you to know that I like you and that I want to kiss you. If you don’t want to kiss me that’s fine. I respect you, so I respect your decision." After he spoke, he paused.
They made eye contact and, had she not just made herself clear, he would have leaned in and kissed her.
"Though," he continued, "I do hope you change your mind."
"Well, if… IF I do change my mind. At least you’ll know that it’s because I want to. I won’t just do it because I’m lonely, or bored, or anything like that. When I choose to kiss you it will because I want to, and because I’m ready for it." She had her reasons as to why she didn’t want to kiss him. She was sticking with that decision regardless of the speed at which her heart was beating and the way that her face flushed red with equal parts embarrassment and attraction.
"Good." He replied, "That’s what I would want. If something happens with us, I want it to be real. I like you. I respect you. I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me. I want you to be happy. I want it to be a good thing."