I'm so very sorry for your loss. Life is so precious and death can be around the corner. We have to try and live every second to its utmost potential but even more so, enjoy and cherish the moments with the ones we love. You can't beat yourself up about your impact on his life or death. I've experienced so much death in my life, people ask me if it gets easier, it does and it doesn't. One thing is true of all, the memories are what lasts, the good times, the smiles.
I am always glad to hear from you my friend. You are a wise man and a great support. Thank you for touching base and know that I am deeply appreciative.
Sending you comforting thoughts after reading about the passing of your cousin. I'm not a religous person by any means, but there is something pleasant about being thought about. So.... In the least religous way possible, you're in my prayers.
You are wonderful and thank you for reaching out. It is an unbelievably shocking turn of events, but I am grateful for my Tumblr family as much as my blood.
I got a call at 8:30 am from my father and I sat stunned in disbelief for about half an hour. I finally worked up the resolve to call my Aunt and Uncle and when my Aunt picked up the phone everything suddenly became real.
I cried so deeply I felt like I was slipping into the bowels of the earth.
I took a shower, cried, and packed up my motorcycle so that I could go to see them. I spent the entire day in-between waves of uncomfortable laughter and sobs which left my tear ducts Sahara dry.
Liam was twenty-five. He should have had a lot of life left to live and experiences to share with the world, but that wasn’t how things turned out. My heart is so incredibly broken now in the wake of this loss and I can only barely grasp at the edges of the reality of it. My family is distraught and there is not a thing in the world that I can do to help.
I have never lost a truly close friend or a family member who I was not already prepared to lose before. All of the deaths that I have experienced have been sad, but did not come as a shock.
I am left with remorse over all of the things that could have been and fleeting thoughts of all the things that I could have done differently that may have prevented his automobile accident. I think back on all the attempts I have made to bond with him and I question if I tried hard enough. I wonder if everything would have been different had he invited me out last night to the event he went to with his other friends. I question how selfish I am to think that I could have had any positive impact at all.
I am left hoping with every ounce of what I am that my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin, Sarah, will be alright. The pain that they are feeling must be worse than mine by an order of magnitude and I can barely breathe with the weight I feel on my chest today.
Painfully—selfishly—I found myself wondering if my death would have the same impact on friends and family that Liams has. The outpouring of community and love that my family received today was truly marvelous and magically awe-inspiring. Liam made positive changes to the lives of everyone he encountered. He was, he is, loved. Would I be so fondly remembered?
I don’t know. I won’t ever know.
Regardless I will persevere until I no longer can. I will continue to love everyone else as earnestly and as enthusiastically as I have. I will not let this loss defeat me—though I may feel defeated now—and I will use this loss as a reminder to pursue the things that make me happiest and do what I believe to be the right thing in the face of adversity no matter the cost.
Life is short; life is precious; life is a gift that I will not squander.
I am usually out and about on Saturday nights, but I am so stoked to be home and on Tumblr amidst the streak of amazing nonsense happening tonight. It has been a glorious and riotous laugh fest for me this evening.